I haven’t had a lot of time for self reflection lately. It’s been kind of go-go-go with no real time-outs for true contemplation, relaxation or vacation. The rain outside my window of last post has turned to snow (see below) and back to rain again. In terms of cooking, my main meals have been a combination of my greatest hits here. I’ve made the cozido de grao a bunch of times recently with different meats, the herb crusted salmon, kofta, but I’ve incorporated some new elevated dishes, like baked herb butter snails that seemed too fancy to post and kale with eggs and quinoa that seemed too healthy and simple to post. I’ve created an awesome new Chinese meatball using five spice, sesame oil, fish sauce, soba noodles and cilantro. I have no idea why i didn’t document all of them. I’ll recreate some of them this week in a post so you can see how I’ve been keeping it real over here lately.
But today, I’ve got another sweet, rather than savory focus. I’ve been saying for quite a while that I’m not a baker. It’s clear now that I’m actually evolving. There was a time when watching myself really mess up a baked good would give me a little thrill of sadistic pleasure. It seemed like an interesting quirk, the kind of mistake that affirmed just how freaking difficult it was to make something truly great. Too much flour, too little sugar, mixing the batter without precision, the tiniest mistiming or temperature fluctuation could produce catastrophic results. You take something for granted until you’re reminded just how fragile it is, how rare.
Lately, though, I’ve sensed a wanton resentfulness in the skill level that I lack in the baking arena. I want to be a part of the community that achieves great things. I guess you can say my evolution in the kitchen is reflective of my evolution as a person. Lately, I’ve been growing in so many different ways. I’ve gotten into very good shape, built a life in a new albeit temporary home (NYC has a way of forcing you to move every few years), I’ve made steps toward new athletic goals. I’ve been able to pay off a significant amount of my choking law school loans, established firm boundaries with some people, while loosening them in relation to others. I’ve been reading more and writing less, but wanting to do the opposite. I have to start thinking about what I want and don’t want and what I need to do to get there. I also realize that in every decision I make I close the door to the infinite opportunities that could have existed just before I made the decision. That awareness has sort of brought me to a bit of a stopping point. This is not a crisis of confidence. Nor is this as simple as self doubt. It’s a symptom of having choices and a self reflective personality.
What can happen when your life is changing is that even the familiar can look strange. The fragility of your life as you know it becomes acute. You wake up in your own bed next to the person you’ve known for years and wonder how you got there. You come to an intersection on the way to work and wonder what would happen if you turned the other way. “What if I…?” becomes a familiar refrain. Sometimes the contemplation of these things alone is frightening. But it’s an important place to visit once in a while. It’s making good decisions that help the smaller choices take care of themselves and help you hold onto your sense of yourself when you reach this point.
How do you do this? It’s hard, especially when your intuition feels compromised. Routine is helpful for me (thus the repetitive meals), remembering what you love, recognizing false starts, talking to good friends, singing karaoke with the people who know who you are, being mindful of thought patterns, listening to your gut, a little booze and a bit of good luck.
So while relishing in (and/or clinging to) my routine I tried to build up my skills with a simple and delicious chocolate chunk banana bread. I didn’t have enough ripe bananas, but even using regular ones it was still so good it was gone within a day. It gave me something fun to focus on, something substantive to stir, and an opportunity to learn some new computer and photo skills (see gif below!).
Wishing everyone all the good things for this new year. Lots of great food with spices, herbs, sauces and grains with tons of both sweet and savory inspiration that lead you to the places you need to be…and greatness, even if it lies only in the process.
Ingredients:
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 cup butter room temperature
- 3/4 cup brown sugar
- 2 eggs, beaten
- 1 bar dark chocolate chopped into thick pieces
- 2 1/3 cups mashed overripe bananas (about 6)
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 F. Lightly grease a 9×5 inch loaf pan.
In a large bowl, combine flour, baking soda and salt. In a separate bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar. Stir in eggs and mashed bananas until well blended. Stir banana mixture into flour mixture; stir just to moisten. Add the chocolate. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan.
Bake in preheated oven for 60 minutes. Add confectioner’s sugar if desired. Refrigerate when cool.
Lovely post and pictures, Amanda. The banana bread looks delicious, I love those big chunks of chocolate (and well done with the gif!). I am happy you achieved so much in recent years/months/weeks, and have set so many different goals for yourself – and not just in the kitchen! I feel like we’ve “known” eachother for longer than a year, but then reading this post, I realise how little I really know about you 🙂
I am looking forward to your new recipes; what a pity you didn’t document the snails (I love snails, but have never prepared any myself), Chinese meatballs, and even the kale, eggs and quinoa dish! I don’t see why you shouldn’t post any “easy” recipes, I love quick and easy recipes that I might never have tought of myself. I hope you aren’t too cold in NY, I’ve read about the snow and cold! The weather here is really warm for the season, but I am not complaining, it is so nice!
Thanks, Darya. I feel the same way about you. I think we know each other, the mystery just lies in the details. You’re one of the people who kind of keeps me coming back to this passion 🙂 I think we are at that age where decisions feel like they take on a little more weight, which is why i’m contemplative in the new year. Luckily, I DID document the snails, I just didnt write them up. I”ll do it this week : ) Thanks for the encouragement. I’ll show you what I do with the kale, since you weren’t wowed your first time. Thanks for your comment and I’m looking forward to more good stuff from you !
Mmmm, I love banana bread. If only my wife would allow bananas in the house. I’m impressed with your baking. Great work on the GIF.
Ha thanks, David! Two banana posts in a row. Sorry to tease you. Your recent life changes have contributed to my contemplative mood. If the banana bread survives the day I can bring some to you 🙂
Yummy!
🙂 Thanks Arthur.
Hey Stranger, Loved this post, Mija. Seems like you have alot going on. Hope you find your peace. As for the banana bread, looks scrumptious!!!
Thanks. As always, very insightful. Nothing bad, just life’s big questions. Not a bad place to be. Your last chicken post was fab btw. Just a little behind on comments 🙂
Que buena receta!! Que tengas un excelente año !!
Gracias, Nena! Igual.
Baked herb butter snails sounds great – not too fancy at all. I think you need something sweet and lots of hot drinks with all that cold weather though 😉
I really do think the weather is setting the stage, Md. I’ll definitely get the light savory recipes up but for me it’s been stews and sweets.
WOW, it looks like the work of a baker to me! I would kill (not quite though really :P) for a piece of that cake. I love brown sugar and bananas – I bet it’s really rich and delicious.
And thanks for introducing me to the gif thing; it looks really interesting, and works so well here.
Thank you trixpin! Those are great flavors together. It was fun and easy to make. You should totally do it. But be prepared to eat it all. No off button pb this cake 😉
I just tried Gifs: AMAZING! So fun!
And I will defo make the cake – I just need to get on with eating all the other sugary treats I can’t seem to stop making first 😉
I hear ya. It’s that time of year. Right re gifs? My husband was the button pusher for the series of photos while I stirred.
Always knew that you were a deep thinker. Good that you cherish each day and don’t take life for granted. Beautiful recipe. As always, gorgeous pictures.
Thanks aunt Susan. I miss you. Xo
Perfect bread for the look out your window. The bread looks delicious and your photos are lovely.
Thanks, Jovina. With that weather you need sweets!
Magic. Damn fine pics!
Thanks! You would like this one I think.
Amanda, you write so eloquently. Not only do you have a fine gift of turning out wonderful meals, but putting it down in words as well. I would love to see your posts on your elevated dishes. I can imagine how wonderful your kale with eggs and quinoa dish turned out. Post it please! Lovely banana bread…liking the dark chocolate idea.
Thanks so much. Sometimes I wonder if I say to much, but often I think the inspiration behind the dish says more about the food than the recipe. I will definitely post all of the above dishes. I guess I just needed a little encouragement. Thanks.
This is a really beautiful post and made me think a lot about my future- especially as someone who has just graduated college and now needs to find a “real” job. Evolving is a great process, however terrifying it may be. But really, this is so well written and lovely and wonderful to read. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks, Eliza. I’m glad you can relate to it, especially since you’re a baker. I’ve probably got 10 years on you and the decision-making never stops. It’s kind of what’s wonderful about life and scary too. The most important part is trusting yourself. Life isn’t without its mistakes, but the challenge is finding value in them and to keep what’s dear to you alive.
One of my favored things to eat, a new recipe for it by one of my favored blogging friends, a cool GIF that got me all excited … these are some of my favorite things!
As for future, let me continue with the singing: Que sera sera …. whatever will be will be ..
I want to hug you right now! 🙂